When you’re in love with someone and they’re in love with you, it’s great. It’s euphoric and perhaps you have never felt anything like it before. However it can result in pain and can be devastating when that love isn’t returned and the relationship is over. Been there, done that. There is also the kind of love or well being you feel when you know your parents love and accept you. Without it you’re whole life can be messed. I get it, trust me. I believe it has the power to impact our lives in the extreme. Unfortunately there are no guarantees and the pain doesn’t easily dissipate. No matter what you’re dealing with, how do you cope?
Are you truly investing in you or are you just responding emotionally?
Is it drinking, drugs, or sex and pornography that you turn to in an attempt to numb the pain? Maybe it’s tattoos, video games, long hours at the gym, watching or playing a ton of sports or travelling. Who knows? It could be any combination of so many different things.
Are you swinging from vine to vine without knowing where it will all end up?
Personally, I have experienced almost all of the above and then some, but at the end of the day none of it ever gave me an overall sense of well being, either singularily or culmatively. It may have seemed alright at the time but I would have to say that the only overall impact I experienced was a negative one. I was never satisfied. I would always have to look to or experience the next thing to try and feel better. You know what I mean?
I was verbally abused and bullied as a child. I suffered with anxiety and depression for most of my life. I know what it’s like to feel empty, unloved, humiliated, desperate and hopeless. I cared too much what other people thought of me too and I allowed myself to be validated by them. If someone said something derogatory it would always bother me. It still might but not for long….
In August of 2011 I encountered my tipping point. Without getting into details, suffice it to say I didn’t want to be here and that desperate feeling seemed to go on and on…. A few months later after trying counselling, anti-depressants and self-help material, I had the good sense to read Bible scripture online. Before I had a chance to consciously react to the scripture I was reading, God had already started taking away my pain. I literally felt it come out of me. I was amazed! I sat there trying to analyze what had just happened. It was like something I could have never hoped for or expected…. like the Leaf’s winning the cup!…..Or my living such an amazing transformed life. I had just met God and He was already working in me and for me.
Now I’m the last guy I thought would end up looking to God. I’m not sure I believed, I was worried what my friends and family would think, I didn’t want to give anything up, I thought it was weird and uncool but my life ‘is’ transformed and I no longer care to be a part of the things I thought I would miss! My pride, selfishness, love for material things, running with the herd, trying to impress people and letting them validate me is what was uncool. Jesus never did any of those things.
I’m able to forgive because I have been forgiven!
My life started changing. The way I thought and felt, relationships, my work ethic, … everything was changing. I even think Dad jokes are cool now! I’m inspired! I’d only written one song before becoming a Christian but now I have written and recorded an album and filmed a DVD. I have a ministry and appreciate everything to a new and greater level. I have hope, I have love and I have a huge family at my home church that I know has my back no matter the circumstance! I’m able to forgive because I have been forgiven! I have Jesus and it’s awesome.
How can we process our pain in every circumstance without us or others paying a higher price?
What Jesus did on the cross and continues to do in my life everyday is what feeds me and fills me. For 47 years I tried everything, EVERYTHING to fill in the void but nothing of this world could ever or will ever be able to do that which is why there is nothing more important, there is nothing greater than a relationship with Jesus. He saved my life.